In The Blink Of An Eye
by KeianaLunae
Summary: After 30 minutes of cynical interrogation they've come around to the belief that he isn't evil, doesn't intend to use this for evil, isn't hiding any information from them (like, say, an evil plan) and that he wasn't trying to escape (to go do evil things somewhere else). All Lorne wanted was a steak. [SGA&SG-1 Crossover] [Bad Science] [Lorne, Carter, Jackson, Landry, Vala, Weir]
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or Stargate SG-1; I do not own any of the original series' characters who appear/are mentioned in this story (Lorne, Weir, Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, McKay, Landry, Carter, Jackson, Vala, Walter, Reed, generic SGC personnel); all rights belong to the original creators of this fantastic series which I adore; I write only for fun and derive no remuneration from this._

* * *

 _PROLOGUE_

Sheppard has gone missing (again), but given his propensity for doing so, it isn't really considered a serious emergency any more. Lorne is around and handling Sheppard's job just fine. He's had a lot of practice, much to his dismay. Since data bursts from Atlantis to Earth are only once every 2 weeks, they have 9 days left to find Sheppard before they have to tell the SGC and the IOA that they've lost him (again). If Weir decides to enact the emergency dialling protocol, they would shorten it to every week. Fortunately, Weir has decided to hold off on that, since Sheppard's disappearance is, for once, not kidnapping or Wraith-related. Sheppard had accidentally activated an Ancient interstellar science module during a recent investigation of previously unexplored sections of the city; it had auto-launched itself and vanished into hyperspace almost immediately. The lab computer had revealed that its last programmed mission before the Ancients had left was to investigate a very unique cosmic phenomenon: Strange Quark Stars.

McKay had attempted to explain, but all Lorne had caught was words like 'pressure' and 'quantum' and that neutrons were much much smaller than atoms. There had been something about soup and empirical evidence, too. Weir had interrupted him and asked him how this information could help them to find Sheppard. McKay had babbled something about a map based on galactic star surveys, rapid temperature variations, and being 'too small' for standard neutron star formation models before switching to belittling the Ancients for their 'apparent inability to understand the physics that governs the behavior of neutron-degenerate matter or quark-degenerate matter' as well as their 'utterly moronic programming practices' before he vanished off into his lab. It was left to Teyla to explain that the automated probe had not been programmed to detect the presence of unwilling passengers in the module before departing on its way to a series of self-determined unreported targets, and that Rodney believed he could duplicate the probe's logic to ascertain where it may be going.

Two hours later McKay had returned looking smugly triumphant. He had, using his greatly superior intellect, come up with some potential trajectories for the module based on modern astronomical surveys of Pegasus. Weir hadn't bothered to wait for the full explanation; she'd simply nodded at the team and said "Go. Regular check-ins." Teyla and Ronon had loaded up a jumper, McKay had identified the nearest Gates to the module's likely targets, and they had immediately set off on a series of recon missions in the hope of catching up to the probe and retrieving Sheppard. That had been two days ago. The team had returned briefly several times to resupply, recalculate, and to rest, but with McKay guiding their search path there's no doubt in anyone's minds that they'll find Sheppard soon. Until then, life on Atlantis has to continue as normal, so Lorne finishes his paperwork and gears up for his next mission. Normal. Life-sucking aliens, aggrieved killer robots, psychic whales.. What was 'Normal'?

After Weir had briefed him and Zelenka to proceed as normal in their new, official, temporary (please!) capacities as heads of Military and Science, Zelenka had muttered to him that 'Normal was completely broken'.

Ain't that the truth.

* * *

 _A/N: My second SGA fic, and my first one that spans multiple chapters. Beta was done by the indomitable Redtail53. The original spark for this story also came from her. I am but your humble fanfiction minion, m'lady._

 _Reviews = Love!_


	2. Kamikaze

_The real story begins!_

* * *

So here Lorne and his team had found themselves, off-world on a typical recon and exploration mission (with instructions to keep an eye open for Sheppard) when they made the sort of discovery would leave McKay salivating: an old Ancient outpost, still intact, buried into the side of a mountain. They've worked their way in (carefully) even though they're not reading any power output. Every off-world team knows that powered outposts usually lead to Very Bad Things.

They also know that there's always spare crystals or other assorted paraphernalia to be recovered from places like this, so they forge onwards, scouring warily through the series of interconnected rooms for anything to salvage. Going home empty-handed would suck. Of course, nothing ever goes the way it should; just as Lorne is dusting off a remarkably intact-looking crystal that he'd found lying on the floor in the middle of one of the emptier chambers there's a loud hum. His team immediately appear in the doorway of his chamber; weapons are readied; suddenly the entire outpost is alive and buzzing with unexpected power.

Reed, eyeing his LSD, is yelling about a power surge. Before Lorne can effect a strategic retreat from where a suspicious glowing circle has appeared on the floor around where he's standing, a piercing white beam shoots out from the ceiling and… well, zaps him. After a few seconds of blinding white light all around him, the beam disappears as swiftly as it formed. Lorne is momentarily blinded, but his vision returns normally, and he feels.. Fine. Exactly the same.

Having experienced their fair share of strange devices zapping people with no obvious effect, they immediately grab all their gear, some photos and make haste back to the Stargate. Unfortunately the power spike has drawn the attention of a nearby Wraith cruiser and it comes to investigate. They're almost back to the Gate when the darts show up; within moments the team finds itself in an all-out firefight. They manage to work their way to the clearing near the Stargate, but Lorne is on the six, covering his team's retreat to the Gate, and he runs out of ammo just short of their objective. It takes just the few seconds that he pauses behind cover to pat down his vest in vain for another clip for things to go from bad to worse.

Lorne is cut off from the others, and has exactly one grenade left. He realises this when he notices that his team isn't with him any more, and he's forced to break cover to locate them. He sees them, about 60 meters ahead of him, and closing on the Stargate. Unfortunately, while he spots them, the Wraith spot him. He's a single target, the weak link, the easy kill... and the Wraith are inevitably drawn to him, leaving an opening for his team to reach the DHD.

A pack of Wraith bear down on Lorne's position and he finds himself boxed in with nothing but a cluster of rocks as cover from their stunners. His team manages to dial the Gate, and Reed is hollering at him over the radio. Out of ammo and with nowhere to go, Lorne orders them to go through, promising to be right behind them. Their safety is his primary responsibility, but he's not trying to play the hero. His order is selfish as well as strategically superior.

The sooner they go, the sooner they can come back with reinforcements and rescue him. Knowing that Wraith prefer to feed on conscious victims, he decides to make a run for the Gate anyway despite the sure knowledge that he is likely to get stunned before he gets there. At the very least, he reckons, getting stunned will buy him (and the rescue team) some time. If he lets the Wraith reach him awake he'll be done for because they'll probably start feeding immediately. Reed is on the radio again, confirming that they're through the Gate and waiting for him.

He takes a breath and starts his kamikaze run. He tosses the grenade to his right, in the direction of the highest concentration of approaching Wraith and uses the blast as cover for his mad dash to the Gate. It keeps most of them busy momentarily, but as predicted, he's only halfway to the Gate when stunner blasts begin to strafe his position. As he runs for his life, literally, he thinks for moment how insane it is that this has become normal for him. He should really have stayed in the Milky Way. He could happily and safely be mining Naquadah on P3X-403 with SG-11 and the Unas. It was nice there. It was definitely safer there.

The world pulses briefly around him, and his whole body tingles. Huh. That's not what a stunner blast normally feels like. The world twists around him, there's a brief flash of white light and then he falls into darkness.

* * *

 _Remember,_ _Reviews = Love!  
_ _[Beta'd by the spirited Redtail53!]_


	3. Chaos

_Atlantis, Pegasus Galaxy:_

Lorne's team had come in hot, piling through the Gate under fire... and without him. Reed had radioed the Major that they were through and waiting. And waiting. And then the Gate had shut down. Weir had taken less than 30 seconds with Reed and the others to authorise a rescue mission. They'd grabbed two jumpers for aerial backup and the ready-room team had been activated. The Gate had been re-dialled immediately, and less than four minutes later the rescue forces had moved out. Ronon had appeared out of nowhere at the last moment, but nobody protested. When it came to Wraith, Ronon was the expert, regardless of whether he was on standby or not.

The Wraith were gone, (excluding the shredded remains of what they reckon used to be three Wraith, scattered around a small grenade crater) and there was no sign of Lorne in the immediate area. The Gate was secured, and Jumper 1, cloaked, has confirmed that the Wraith cruiser was still in orbit. The Wraith have obviously taken Lorne up to the ship, and Weir authorises them to go after him. Jumper 2 is set down near the Gate, loaded up with extra personnel, and the cruiser is infiltrated in the tried and trusted method: Jumper 1 draws their fire, and the dart bay doors slide open, allowing Jumper 2 to slip inside.

The cruiser is a dead end. They neutralised a good forty Wraith in the process (a quarter of those by Ronon alone), and free about the same number of people from cocoons and holding cells. Lorne isn't among them. The first jumper heads back down to the planet to scan for his Sub-Q transponder but finds nothing. More troops are pulled in from Atlantis, and a ground search in a five click radius around the Gate turns up nothing. No body. McKay and Teyla have joined the search, and it's suggested that perhaps Lorne went back to the outpost. When McKay hears about the power surge and the beam, he volunteers to check it out.

The old outpost is scoured, but it's dead as a doorknob. Whatever had caused the power surge which had begun the entire fiasco is gone, and when they finally dig the shielded ZPM out from its subterranean housing, it's completely dead. Lorne is inexplicably missing, and they have no answers. They have a shiny new Wraith cruiser though, and Teyla and McKay commandeer it along with Ronon to use in their search for Sheppard, since it can reach places a Jumper can't.

Weir authorises an aerial sweep of the planet using Jumpers, just in case Lorne was in a dart that landed or crashed elsewhere on the planet's surface, but it's going to take time. With both Lorne and Sheppard officially missing, temporary command of Atlantis' military is transferred to Captain Williamson, with Gunny Hauptmann as acting XO. Weir had held off on reporting Sheppard's disappearance under the emergency dialling protocol, but with both of her experienced senior officers gone she has no choice but to dial Earth ahead of schedule.

Reports are hastily compiled; the designated emergency dial-out time is the next day at noon. It's not a call anybody wants to make, or receive.

* * *

 _?, ?:_

When Lorne wakes up (hooray for waking up), he's not in a Wraith holding cell (pretty bad) or a cocoon (worst case). He's not in the Infirmary on Atlantis (best case). He's not in the clearing near the Stargate either (this could be good or bad). Except… he *is* lying in clearing near a Stargate. It's not the same clearing, and it's definitely not the same Stargate, seeing as how he immediately realises that it's not a Pegasus Gate. It's a Milky Way Gate. There are no Wraith around, though, so Lorne decides to count it as a pleasant surprise, despite the clear lack of rescue from Atlantis.

Pulling himself upright, he looks around and realises his surroundings look.. kinda familiar. It takes just a few groggy steps in the direction of the Stargate for him to shake off the residual disorientation. With that comes the overwhelming feeling that he's been here before. A few cautious steps further it slots into place in his mind: P3X-403, with about two years' worth of natural plant growth. He's back on the Unas Naquadah mining planet.

He gives himself just five seconds of confusion and wondering how the hell he had gotten there before he pushes it away and focuses. If he's in the Milky Way, he should be able to get to Earth. To do that, he needs a working Stargate and an IDC. Step 1: Stargate. He ambles over and tests the DHD to make sure it's actually working. It lights up, no problem. Excellent.

Step 2: IDC. The Unas are still mining Naquadah for them, and there's usually an SGC team or at least a liaison stationed on the planet to assist. They're his fastest way home. Turning away from the Stargate, he shields his eyes against the bright afternoon sun and lets his memory guide him through the bushes in the direction of the mine. To say that SG-24 was surprised when Major Evan Lorne showed up at their camp on P3X-403 is an understatement.

The Unas, also surprised, were less hesitant to welcome him back. They remembered him well enough, and greeted him with the typical subdued Unas exuberance, grunting, and waving arms. He dug deep to recall the few phrases and traditions he could remember and greeted them back. He may have been a little lost and a lot confused, but he didn't have to be rude. It takes less than 20 minutes to convince SG-24 to accompany him to the Gate to dial back to Earth.

To say that that the SGC was surprised to hear that Major Evan Lorne was on P3X-403 is also an understatement. However, in typical SGC fashion, they recovered quickly and shortly authorised him to return to Earth. There's a hefty security contingent awaiting him in the Gate room, though. After several hours of being poked and prodded and scanned by Medical, he is declared authentic and healthy. No nanites, no diseases, not a replicator, not a clone.

The debriefing is uninformative and short. There's not much he can tell them. He was running for his life in the Pegasus Galaxy, and woke up in the Milky Way. He tells them about his team's mission and running into the Wraith. He describes the Ancient beam that zapped him just prior to their firefight, and promptly ends up back in the Infirmary, this time in his own isolation room, for even more tests and scans. They find Nothing, with a capital N.

Hours later he's exhausted, cranky and hungry, and when they inform him that they've decided to bring up extra stuff from Colonel Carter's lab to do a series of addition scans using some alternative equipment, he's just about had enough. All he wants is a decent plate of hot food, preferably a nice steak (he *is* on Earth, after all. Might as well capitalise) and to get away from the continual scrutiny he's being subjected to.

When the nurse turns back to him with yet another phlebotomy kit he briefly closes his eyes to avoid screaming, and focuses on the thought of food. The world pulses around him, the nurse screams, his body tingles. The isolation ward, stunned nurse included, twists and melts together and there's another flash of light before the darkness swallows him up.

When Lorne comes back to his senses he's lying on the floor of the cafeteria, surrounded by scattered meal trays and shocked airmen. They're all staring at him. The line cook is wielding a chef's knife in his general direction. There's a tense silence in the room which nobody seems inclined to disturb until the base alarm starts blaring. The cafeteria descends into chaos.

* * *

 _Remember,_ _Reviews = Love!  
_

 _[Beta'd by the enthusiastic Redtail53!]_


	4. Steak

It was the nurse, in the end, who had set off the base alarm. After recovering from the shock of seeing the Major blinking out of existence right in front of her she had reacted appropriately and had hit the emergency button located by the door.

The chaos had been brief - everyone in the cafeteria had evacuated the room in record time, leaving a still slightly groggy Lorne alone on the floor surrounded by empty tables, scattered chairs and abandoned meals. Someone had obviously radioed the control room, and less than 30 seconds later armed forces had rushed in and secured him.

Ten minutes later he was back in the isolation room, but this time the observation gallery was packed. General Landry had swung by. Colonel Carter was reviewing the security tapes, and they kept asking him questions he didn't have answers to. Even SG-1, sans Carter, showed up to find out what all the fuss was about.

Eventually Carter rocked up with a laptop. She came into the isolation ward and showed it to him. On it, side by side, were the security feeds from the isolation room and the commissary. She hit play, and he watched in disbelief as his body literally pulsed and folded in on itself before blinking out in one panel, and almost instantaneously blinked-folded-pulsed into existence in the cafeteria, before hitting the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Well. That explained what the Ancient beam had done to him. Spontaneous teleportation. Great.

* * *

Lorne is finally left alone to eat and get some sleep. Carter and Landry and the others were skeptical at first, but after 30 minutes of cynical interrogation they've come around to the belief that he isn't evil, doesn't intend to use his new ability for evil, isn't hiding any information from them (like, say, an evil plan) and that he wasn't trying to escape (to go do evil things somewhere else). All Lorne wanted was a steak.

In the end it's Vala who sells it, pointing out that if she had the ability to teleport through solid matter at will, she definitely wouldn't have used it to visit the base cafeteria (O'Malley's has far better steak) and she definitely wouldn't have given away her super secret ability so soon (it's easier to be evil when nobody knows that it's you). He finally gets his steak, special order from the mess hall on Landry's orders, devours it like a starved man and promptly passes out.

He wakes up to Carter rigging up a bunch of sensors around him in the isolation ward. She's brought him breakfast as a peace offering (or a bribe, in case he's actually evil) and asks him if he'd be willing to try a controlled directed teleport so she can get some readings. There's a whole bunch of monitors to strap to his body as well, and they've set up a target location a few rooms away.

He asks Carter if she got any sleep at all, pretty sure that the answer is going to be No. She's been analysing the security footage frame by frame and has identified signs of space-time warping in the imagery. Apparently his "jump" caused a faintly visible lensing effect which distorted the light from the surrounding objects. She's positively giddy about the chance to potentially observe gravitational waves directly, not to mention record first-hand data from the instantaneous relocation of solid living matter through a localised space-time distortion without the typical demolecularisation that usually accompanies FTL displacement techniques.

He has nothing better to do anyway.

* * *

Lorne rubbed at his aching shoulder. At this rate he's going to be blue all over. He's 'jumped' about seven times in the past four hours. It's not as disorienting as it was in the beginning which is a relief, but the results have been… varied. They've established some useful facts about his new ability but none of them are a concrete guide to making it happen reliably.

For the first jump attempt, Carter had told him to visualise his destination. They had taken him to see it: the room is also packed to the brim with cameras and assorted sensors. There's a large, bright red X painted on the floor in the middle. Lorne thinks they're being overly optimistic, but he doesn't say anything.

They go back to the isolation room, and Lorne is ensconced in all manner of sensors. Arms, legs, wrists, ankles - they're all tagged with something. He even has a portable medical sensor pack strapped to his chest, complete with heart rate monitor and EKG connected to a cap coated in electrodes. Every system is tested, and set to record. It's show time. Carter and her team move to the observation deck, and Lorne thinks really hard about moving himself to his target room. For a few seconds there's nothing, and then..

He _pulses_. He _tingles_. The world _twists_. A _flash_. _Black_ ness.

He'd come to in a nondescript room; it was devoid of sensor equipment but definitely still in the SGC. After he'd shaken off the grogginess and let himself out into the corridor he realised his destination had been the old SG-11 team room. He'd spent a lot of time there between missions during his years at the SGC. It was familiar territory, or at least it used to be. The elevator ride back down to the isolation room in his outfit had been more than a little awkward.

Carter had suggested tagging him with a locator beacon, but he'd declined. Jackson and Vala joined the party, and Jackson asked him to explicitly describe what he had been thinking about when he had jumped. It seemed to be the key. Vala had helpfully suggested that perhaps it was about keeping your _desire_ for something in the front of your mind. Jackson had confiscated her candy bar on the spot. So, for jump attempt number two, Lorne had visualised the tasty treat that Jackson had left for him on the large red X. _Pulse. Tingle. Twist. Flash. Black._

He'd ended up in the commissary again. The room was a lot emptier than the previous evening; with the main breakfast rush already over there was less of a reaction, but he had unfortunately materialised in mid-air directly above the dessert station. He'd bounced a little on his way down to the floor, hence the now-aching shoulder. A startled airman who had been about to reach into the cabinet had blinked at him twice, then offered him a hand up. He'd gratefully accepted it, and then had helped himself to a tub of blue jello. He'd come all this way, so he might as well.

He wasn't an idiot, though, and took a second one along for Carter.

* * *

 _I see you all, hiding in the shadows, reading and running away without saying a word! :)_  
 _Another reminder that_ _Reviews = Love!  
_  
 _[Beta'd by the nerdy Redtail53]_


	5. Seven

_Lorne's great teleportation experimentation continues. Thanks again to my lovely beta, Redtail53, for her feedback and also for being my only review thus far. (Sniffles) It's okay. I'll keep posting anyway. But remember, reviews are like oxygen to fanfiction writers. You can fuel the fire, and get more fics out, or leave us to suffocate alone in our writing chambers. Your choice!_

* * *

 _Pulse. Tingle. Twist. Flash. Black._

Jump attempt number three had ended in the men's locker room. He made use of the facilities before threading his way out through the crowd of slightly flustered airmen. They had been gearing up for an offworld mission when he had spontaneously apparated at shoulder-height next to the row of sinks. Fortunately, word seemed to have gone around about the teleportation experiment, or maybe just about him, because none of them tried to shoot him. Thankfully.

 _Pulse. Tingle. Twist. Flash. Black._ Jump number four was a random empty corridor on level 23. Boring.

 _Pulse. Tingle. Twist. Flash. Black_. Jump number five took him into the conference room where Landry was briefing SG-17 on their upcoming mission. The General's coffee mug had hit the floor about the same time he landed on the table. He'd rolled off the table, picked up the General's mug, refilled it for him from the pot standing a few feet away, and had let himself out as quickly as possible. Landry and SG-17 had simply stared at him, the General with a look that sat somewhere between infuriated and amused, and SG-17 with something akin to awe. He'd given the General a brief nod and an apologetic smile as he'd delivered the new coffee. There was no way he was going to salute the General dressed like that. On the way back he'd arranged a cleaning crew to go take care of the mess.

 _Pulse. Tingle. Twist. Flash. Black_. Jump number six got him stuck in a very tiny, very dark, very musty, and very locked cleaning closet on level 11. He'd hollered and banged on the door for a good while (he didn't have his watch on, sensors were in the way) before a passing airman had heard him and opened up from the outside. Perhaps Carter had the right idea with that tracking device after all. Or maybe just a radio. When he walked back into the Isolation room he couldn't miss the relief on Carter's face. He'd always returned shortly, or landed somewhere with people who could report his location. When the clock had hit 20 minutes they'd officially allowed themselves to panic at his disappearance, and had started planning a search. Apparently Carter had been a minute away from hitting the base alarm for a full-scale base lockdown and security sweep when the airman had radioed through his discovery.

He'd been a little nervous before attempting jump number seven, not wanting to get trapped somewhere again, although being Major Lorne he had made an art out of appearing completely unflappable (even when he was yelling "WTF!" on the inside) so nobody was any wiser. It had just begun to occur to him that he could, theoretically, materialise halfway into a wall or stuck in solid rock (they're under a Mountain, after all) and he had taken a quick breath and forced his thoughts away from that potential ending. Carter wouldn't let him bounce around like this if she thought it could kill him. She wouldn't. Jackson had given him a long look, but he'd just shrugged and smiled at the archaeologist before calmly taking up his position in the centre of the Isolation room. _Pulse. Tingle. Twist. Flash. Black_.

Blue. And White. And FALLING. He really shouldn't have been as surprised as he was when he materialised several hundred feet up in the air above the parking lot of the Mountain. The heart rate monitor had gone absolutely beserk, justifiably so, since his heart rate (and his heart) had quite literally _skyrocketed_. As he plummeted towards the ground at the mercy of gravity, he had desperately wished for a parachute, which had reminded him of jump school and trying to land as close as possible to the big white X next to the airfield's runway. Big white X. Big red X. Red X! RED X!

 _Pulse. Tingle. Twist. Flash. Black_. As his heart rate slowly began subsiding at the feeling of solid ground underneath him he heard excited cheers and clapping. He didn't bother to get up, and simply lifted his head to see what the fuss was about. On the other side of the observation deck stood a beaming Carter, excited scientists around her furiously pointing at various screens and jabbing at keyboards. His gaze travelled down from the canted window to where he lay - smack dab on top of a large red X, surrounded by a plethora of sensors and recording equipment. Lorne had simply dropped his head back down onto the ground, closed his eyes, and had waited for his heart rate to return to normal. The scientists were so busy gawking at their newly acquired data that they didn't even notice their test subject was still lying on the ground. Jackson, being Jackson, had noticed immediately upon his arrival from the departure room. The man had damn good nunchi, sometimes.

He'd confided in Jackson about his impromptu skydive and had asked for a break. Jackson had promptly taken on the room full of rabid scientists on his behalf and had _won_. After being freed from all his sensor trappings he and Jackson had made their escape to the commissary for an early lunch. Or so he thought. Jackson asks him a myriad of questions, and Lorne grudgingly answers as many as he can whilst doing his best to NOT think about wanting to be somewhere else. Jackson was beyond strange - one moment his insight and advice (and his willingness to verbally spar with a horde of excited scientists to free you from being an unwilling guinea pig) made you think he was on your side; the next you're desperately wishing for the Spanish Inquisition instead. So much for nunchi. He secretly wonders if Jackson has ever really forgiven him for moving those artefacts on 304.

Jackson posits that the jump could be influenced by subconscious desires, and that in order to properly target a jump, Lorne would have to have one thing and only one overwhelming thing on his mind to avoid unwanted external thoughts from interfering and redirecting the space-time rift. He'd suggested kel'no'reem, Teal'c's preferred form of meditation, and then had segued into a rant about the Ancients and ascension and being guided on a journey, and that perhaps Lorne needed to search his inner self to find the cosmic string that would connect him to his destination in order to direct the space-time rift he was creating. Lorne had almost missed McKay in that moment, because his sputterings were at least entertaining and educational, and far less metaphysical mumbo-jumbo combined with anthropofluffical bullshit.

Lunch was worse than jump number six had been, even with the extra helping of jello he granted himself. At least he'd been alone in the supply closet.

* * *

 _I recently encountered more of ArwenLune's fantastic SGA writing over on AO3, specifically her Rock Happy series. "Anthropofluffical" is officially my new favourite word. "Nunchi" is also from her Lingua Pegasa story - a dictionary of words that are commonplace on Atlantis. I highly recommend you go find it!  
_


	6. Kawoosh

_It's dial-in time! Finally, things are looking up for Lorne... or are they? This one is short, I know, but we're only 1 chapter away from the end and I just had to torture you all a little longer._

* * *

Lorne had just been wondering whether Weir would invoke the emergency dialling protocol when the Offworld Activation alarm sounds and thirty seconds later he is summoned to the control room. It has to be Atlantis, dialling in. He walks (Majors absolutely do NOT skip or bounce) up the stairs to find General Landry conversing with Dr Weir over the video link. The General is grinning. Dr Weir looks relieved but… stern.

"Dr Weir" he greets her neutrally, as if he hasn't just gone missing and then turned up in the wrong galaxy.

"Major Lorne," she responds evenly. "When you said you weren't keen on this job I didn't think you would go so far as to _teleport yourself to another galaxy_ to get out of doing paperwork." Ah, she's obviously reported that Sheppard is (still) missing, and that her acting Military Commander had disappeared as well. If the General's grin is any indication, he thoroughly enjoyed delivering the news that Lorne was not-so-much missing any more.

"Desperation can make a man do strange things, ma'am." he deadpans, keeping a straight face. Ain't that the truth, though.

Weir eyes him, but there's a hint of a hidden smile in her voice. "Any chance you'll be coming back? I'd be happy to assign you additional assistance with your paperwork, if that's what it'll take to make you reconsider."

She's teasing him, and he knows it. The relief hidden in her offer is obvious to him. He pretends to consider it for a few seconds, playing along.

"Well, in that case, ma'am, I'd be willing to return to Atlantis, as soon as possible." he graciously accepts. Weir smiles at him.

"I'm sure Gunny Hauptmann will be delighted to hear that," she says, and Lorne blinks. _Oh crap_. _Oh no_. _Not the filing cabinets._ He manages to keep his face blank and his voice smooth, though.

"If it's not too much to ask, Dr Weir, could you please remind the Gunny…" Weir is outright smirking at him now, and he can't help himself, "...that the Kawoosh is an easy and untraceable way of disposing of a body?"

Next to him Landry raises an eyebrow, and Walter tries unsuccessfully to hide a snort of laughter.

Weir manages to keep her diplomatic poise, and gives him a reproachful look that is tempered by the amusement in her voice.

"You could just try locking your office when you go off-world, Major," she hedges, but they both know that the Gunny would find a way to get into the filing cabinets. Lorne is a bit of a Luddite, preferring to keep physical paper backups of many critical administrative documents. His alleged 'nonsensical filing system' had sent the Gunny's OCD into overdrive more than once. After the third 'indexing intervention incident', he and Sheppard had banned Hauptmann from the admin office.

"That would be Colonel Sheppard's office, ma'am." he throws back. He shares it with his errant CO, true, and they're *his* filing cabinets, yes, but he really, really doesn't want Sheppard's job. His job is to help Sheppard do the bigger job. He doesn't want the bigger job, no matter how often he ends up doing it. _Especially_ given how often he ends up doing it. They're going to get Sheppard back. They _have_ to.

Weir grins at him. "Ah, ever the optimist, Major. I guess we'll just have find a way to survive without the both of you until you get back. I hear the Daedalus is scheduled to head out this way in a few days' time. We should have you back in… oh, just under 3 weeks."

Three weeks. Crap. He'd forgotten about the long-ass slog through intergalactic space that a trip to Atlantis on the Daedalus entailed.

"We're also getting our first batch of Navy officers," Weir continues, and Lorne's eyes grow fractionally wider in recollection "..as well as the visiting IOA delegation from Russia, China, Britian and India on that ride. I think it's a fantastic opportunity for us to have you on board with them." Lorne's heart begins to pound in his chest. "...You can begin briefings with the IOA - I hear they're very eager to discuss our supply schedules and security policies - and training sessions with the Navy team well in advance of their arrival in Atlantis, and that way we can have…"

Oh no. No no no no. Two weeks on the Daedalus was bad enough. Two weeks of training Sheppard's batch of Navy recruits, by himself? And IOA delegates. _Plural_.

Fuck no.

* * *

 _Reviews make me happy! Yay! Thanks for the kind words so far.  
MOARREVIEWS! Pretty please? Pretty please with a Stargate on top? No? What about a ZPM? It still has charge, I promise!_

[Beta by the energetic Redtail53!]


	7. Desperation

_Previously, on "Blink":_

" _...You can begin briefings with the IOA - I hear they're very eager to discuss our supply schedules and security policies - and training sessions with the Navy team well in advance of their arrival in Atlantis, and that way we can have…"_

 _Fuck no._

* * *

There had to be another way. Lorne was absolutely NOT going back to Atlantis on the Daedalus, no matter how much of his paperwork Weir promised to take away. In the Gate room below them the shimmering blue of the wormhole ripples, casting a comforting glow that he's come to associate with opportunity and hope… and escape. It was right there, a wormhole, stretching across space and time, connecting Earth to Atlantis… so close, but yet so far away.

He wasn't really listening to Weir any more. He could see the Gate room in Atlantis in his mind as clear as day. He could remember the feeling of the ancient technology as it called to him, that soothing buzz in the back of his mind from the city he called home. He could sense the open wormhole, an invisible cosmic string, guiding him to Atlantis.

 _Pulse. Tingle. Twist. Flash. Black._

Major Evan Lorne didn't have to open his eyes to know that he was no longer standing in the control room of the SGC. The buzz flooding into his mind, the racking of weapons, and Reed's triumphant yell told him everything he needed to know. He exhaled and grinned before opening his eyes to the shimmering blue of Atlantis' Stargate. He owed Jackson a _major_ apology.

Above him, Dr Weir barely skipped a beat.

"...Major Lorne back, safe and sound, here in Atlantis. Have a lovely day further, General. We'll speak again next week at the scheduled dial in."

Landry's farewell was half words, half rumbling laughter as he signed off. The Gate shut down, and Lorne was left looking at the beautiful stained glass window that lay behind it. Home. He was home. He took a moment to appreciate how absolutely fucking cool the ability to teleport was before turning around and heading up to the control room.

He nodded to Chuck and the other control room technicians as he passed by. They simply nodded back, a smile or two flashed his way, before they got back to their regular tasks. Weir was waiting for him on the bridge, and together they stepped into her office.

"I see you have once again avoided being eaten by the Wraith, Major. Well done." she teased.

He favoured her with a smile. "It's a good skill to cultivate in Pegasus, ma'am."

She nodded in agreement. "That is absolutely is, Major. I expect I'll have a full report on my desk by tomorrow?"

"Yes ma'am." He inclined his head. She smiled at him, and he turned to head out. Weir's voice stopped him before he could get out the door.

"I do believe Dr Zelenka will be available to see you after you've finished your post-mission physical, Major." There was a hint of amusement in her voice, and he knew that it wasn't a suggestion. If Carter's excitement had been anything to go by, he wasn't going to get away with anything less from Zelenka.

"I take it Dr McKay is still off with his team, searching for the Colonel?" he asks wryly. When McKay got back, he would put Lorne through more tests. He would undoubtedly consider Radek's work to be incomplete and insufficient, and would insist on his own. Maybe his new ability was _temporary_ , and could _conveniently fade away_ before McKay got hold of him. Maybe.

"Unfortunately for you, yes." Weir's face is scrunched up to contain her laughter. "Just remember, the sooner he gets back, the sooner we'll have Sheppard back too." Lorne nods resignedly. He couldn't have it both ways, sadly. He would gladly go through whatever tests McKay would devise if it meant having the Colonel back.

Weir turns her attention back to her tablet, still grinning. "Thanks for popping in, Major." she says. It's a joke and a dismissal all at once. He has to fight hard to hide his laughter and turns to leave, but this time it's him that stops to ask a question.

"How did you know?" he asks her, genuinely curious.

Weir glances up at him, and her smile is more sober. "Desperation, Major." She turns her attention back to her tablet.

"It can make us do _strange_ things."

Ain't that the truth.

* * *

 _And that's it! This was the last Chapter of "In The Blink Of An Eye!"_

 _I hope you all enjoyed this short 7-part story. It was conceived of and written up entirely in about 8 hours. I have several ideas for follow-up stories, (and possibly at some point I'll write Sheppard's stuck-in-a-space-probe story too) but if you can envision a crazy or silly situation our beloved Major Lorne can find himself in because of his new ability, and you'd like to see it possibly come to life, pop your prompt in a review or send me a PM! Thank you to all my reviewers - you guys rock. I love that other people also have so much love for Lorne.  
_

 _A last thank you to Redtail53 for all her encouragement and enthusiasm. My fanfictioning is completely and utterly her fault. Before she messaged me, I was a perfectly normal human being, indulging in the occasional fanfic story. I succumbed and wrote something... and it all went downhill from there._


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